What the doctor really Means

"Well, what have we here...?"
--- He has no idea and is hoping you'll give him a clue.

"Well, we're not feeling so well today, are we...?"
--- I'm stalling for time.

"If it doesn't clear up in a week, give me a call."
--- I don't know what it is. Maybe it will go away by itself.

"Let me check your medical history."
--- I want to see if you've paid your last bill before spending anymore time with you.

"Well, now, we have some good news and some bad news."
--- The good news is, I'm going to buy that new BMW.The bad news is,you're going to pay for it.

"This should be taken care of right away."
--- I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month but this is so easyand profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself.

"Let me schedule you for some lab tests."
--- I have a forty percent interest in the lab.

"Let's see how it develops."
--- Maybe in a few days it will grow into somethingthat really needs to be cured.

"I'd like to prescribe a new drug."
--- I'm writing a paper and would like to use youfor a guinea pig.

"That's quite a nasty looking wound."
--- I think I'm going to throw up.

"This may smart a little."
--- Last week two patients almost bit off their tongues.

"This should fix you up."
--- The drug company slipped me some big bucksto prescribe this stuff. Hope it works...

"Everything seems to be normal."
--- Rats! I guess I can't buy that new beach condo after all.

"I'd like to run some more tests."
--- I can't figure out what's wrong.Maybe the kid in the lab can solve this one.