You Know its going to be a Bad Day When......

...your twin sister forgets your birthday.
...you wake up face down on the pavement.
...you put your bra on backwards and it fits better.
...you call suicide prevention and they put you on hold.
...you see a "60 Minutes news team" waiting in your outer office.
...your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.
...your only son tells you he wishes Anita Bryant would mind her own business.
...you want to put on the clothes you wore home from the party, and there aren't any.
...you turn on the TV news and they're displaying emergency routes out of your city.
...the woman you've been seeing on the side begins to look like your wife.
...you wake up to discover that your water bed broke and then you realize that you don't have a water bed.
...your horn goes off accidentally and remains stuck as you follow a group of Hell's Angels on the freeway.
...you get a rejection notice from the HUMOR List server saying that you're no longer funny
...you open the paper and find your picture under a caption that reads:
"WANTED: DEAD OR ALIVE!"